Being
by bratprincess
Summary: What if a portal like the one in Being John Malkovich existed in Rivendell, except this one switches from person to person so you never know who you're going to end up in. Glorfindel really should have learnt his lesson after the Erestor bathing incident.
1. Glorfindel, stubble?

A/N + Dis: Tolkien world belongs to Tolkien, etc, no harm intended and no money is being made. The idea for the portal comes, yes you guessed it, from Being John Malkovich. No Harm intended and no money is being made, this is only for my amusement. (and hopefully a few other people) Also, just so you know, this isn't just going to be the film with a different place and other people put into it. It's probably going to be a series of short, unlucky elves, might be a long one, but it'll just be humour. Also here:  
  
-the portal switches from person to person  
  
-it lasts for about 1/2 hour instead of 15 mins  
  
-NOT JUST A COPY OF THE FILM WITH PEOPLE PUT IN.  
  
(sorry, just felt I had to say that.) Well, here you go.  
  
Glorfindel looked around...he knew he'd learnt his lesson, after last time, he shuddered. Well, if he'd truly learnt his lesson he wouldn't be doing this again. After all, how many times can one end up in Erestor as he's bathing? Glorfindel carefully walked to the opening at the back of the house. you wouldn't notice the opening unless you knew where it was, or of course if you'd been playing with two young elflings and they lost their ball near it.   
  
Suddenly a thought occurred to Glorfindel...Who built it in the first place? Because surely someone must have. Never mind, that didn't matter now, Glorfindel couldn't help it, there were so many people in Rivendell no-one would get a moments peace, not really long enough for certain bedroom activities or really time to themselves. This was the safest time and of course it had be almost 2,000 years since he had last ventured down this tunnel.  
  
Glorfindel carefully crawled into the tunnel and waited for the familiar wind. Closer...closer...ah! Who was this? He looked down female! What a surprise! So few females in Rivendell, this rarely happened. Glorfindel didn't have time wonder who he was before someone was approaching. Ah, this looked promising, he did get a kick out of being other people. Oh, Aragorn was approaching, hang on, something bad. Aragorn approaching a female? ARGHHH! Glorfindel cursed and spluttered.  
  
He was inside Arwen! Aragorn was coming towards Arwen with a very, very bad look in his eye. Well, it was only bad for Glorfindel, Arwen seemed very happy about it. Aragorn was reaching over towards Arwen, Glorfindel distinctly felt stubble scratching his neck...her neck. Lips. Hands. Hands in bad places, well, at least for Glorfindel...oh but it felt so good. Glorfindel's lips moved, a moan, oh dear Iluvtar. Clothes coming off...a bed...more hands in places.   
  
Ohh! No wonder Arwen was willing to become mortal! One lifetime with /that/...oh...Glorfindel was almost hopeful...but then Arwen looked up and into the face of Aragorn...Eugh! That /did/ ruin the effect.   
  
Glorfindel's feelings on the next 20 or so minutes was slightly mixed...  
  
End Part One.  
  
(more will follow) 


	2. Elladan and Elrohir, pretty pretty ring!

Elladan looked at his twin, they hadn't been near this tunnel since they had been tiny Elflings, it wasn't until Glorfindel's screaming and cursing that they even remembered it. The tunnel stood at the back of their ada's rooms. It was so tempting, it would be completely random. Oh, but oh the ...fun! Besides, this was an experiment.  
  
"Who shall go first? Me or you?" Elladan asked his brother.  
  
"Well, I say you, wait for me by the waterfall."   
  
You see, they wanted to see if they would both go, one after the other into the same person. Of course, this was all just for show. They wanted to go back through the portal.   
  
"Alright, so you go through, wait for about 30 minutes and follow me. Clear?" Elrohir nodded.  
  
Elladan crawled into the tunnel and was in...something.  
  
Something short. No, it wasn't something short it was someone kneeling down. His eyes were searching the ground, the persons eyes were searching the ground, they had clearly lost something. 'Not the ring, anything but the ring!' The person muttered.   
  
Someone had lost a ring? A very important ring by the sound of nervousness in his-their voice. Not Adar, Adar wouldn't loose his ring, infact, Adar never wore his ring. Oh no, someone had lost Adar's ring. Hm, /who/ had lost Adar's ring. Who would be in his chambers? Oh no! That's why he hadn't felt any differences and the body moved as if it was his own. It was Elrohir! He had been waiting at the back of Elrond's quarters, his silly brother.   
  
To make it worse they couldn't see it, they were feeling it out. Elrohir floundered like this for many minutes. Infact, he seemed to spend about 25 minutes looking for it. At least, that was until he heard a cough from behind him. Elrohir turned quickly and both Elladan and Elrohir felt the dread.  
  
"Adar! Well! Greetings!"   
  
Elrond glared at his son, he walked straight over and picked up his ring, holding it at a distance. He gently placed it back in his draw and looked over his son(s).  
  
Suddenly his eyes flared as he looked over the sons. "Why are you here?"  
  
"I-ah-was-just..." Elrohir apparently couldn't think of an excuse. Elladan was the excuse maker, he could have thought of something and he longed to say that they had just came in and see the box empty and were looking for it for him. Of course Elrohir relied on him far too much.  
  
Time was up...Elladan felt himself deposited in the waterfall, well, at the top of the waterfall, heading down. Ah well.  
  
(p.s. thanx for the review S. P. Ratt :) ) 


	3. Galdor, luck doesn't last all the time

Galdor looked around, ah the tunnel was still here. It had been many years since he had last been to Imladris and he was grateful to see that some things never changed. He heard Lord Elrond admonishing the twins for something, indeed, some things never change. His last adventure into the tunnel had been quite an experience, he had gone straight into Celebrían, what a fun way to spend a half an hour. His second adventure had also taken him into Celebrían as well. Now, seeing as Celebrían was out of the circles of Arda surely he would go into Arwen, no?  
  
Of course we all know that the tunnel is random, such a shame Galdor didn't. So that was his plan, he scurried into the tunnel expecting to go straight into Arwen, Alas, that didn't happen. Galdor looked around, hmm, strange, he didn't remember the chairs being this high. Something was twitching his nose. Hmm, all very strange, 'Arwen' leaned forward to pick up an apple. Peculiar, since when had Arwen had a short bronzed hand...  
  
The thought trailed off as 'Arwen' looked up to see...Arwen? Dear Eru! He wasn't in Arwen he was in a short person, with tanned arms and...a beard?! He was in a dwarf! A dwarf! Nooooo!!! All Galdor could do at that moment was thank the Valar that there weren't any female dwarves in Rivendell.   
  
Arwen looked at the dwarf with disgust in her eyes. Hey, that wasn't nice. He also saw Glorfindel walking past, he was shuddering and the moment he saw Arwen and Aragorn he yelped and run off. Galdor mentally rolled his eyes. There was shouting coming from inside, Elrond.   
  
"Strange Elves," The dwarf muttered. Galdor rolled his eyes, that was strange, that was Glorfindel. Although by definition he was strange.  
  
The dwarf moved from the public area to the quarters they had been assigned. Ugh, this was really boring, what was the dwarf going to do? Sitting and talk to his friends for 15 more minutes? And that the dwarf did do, and it gave Galdor lots of blackmailable secrets.  
  
***  
  
(I suppose I'll now thank last.crimson.tear) 


	4. Legolas, ooo, didn't know THAT

dis: doesn't belong to me, etc, no harm intended.  
  
Being…  
  
Legolas looked around, now that was the fourth person he had seen go around to the back of the house and not come back, only to later fall over the waterfall. Something was happening behind there and he wanted to know what it was. He slowly made his way to the back of the building, a path had evidently been trodden. Something golden glittered in the bushes, hmm, I wonder what that is. Legolas thought as he moved towards it. Upon inspection it was a small, glittery butterfly. His eye twitched. Sparkly butterflies.  
  
Something else caught Legolas' eye, a tunnel? What was a tunnel doing back here, and how could it lead out to the waterfall. Legolas carefully crept in and was pulled directly into the mind of someone. It was an elf, he could tell that for sure, a tall one at that. Long dark locks swung into the elves field of vision. Hm, if only there weren't so many dark elves in Imladris, ah the elf was talking to someone, ah, it was Lord Elrond. A name...a name...he was in Erestor! Oh dear. This was likely to be boring, suddenly Legolas panicked, what if he was stuck here for good? Arhhh! Erestor continued, unaware of the frantic presence in his body.  
  
"I am telling you Lord Elrond, they keep coming over the waterfall! It's beyond me how they get up there in the first place..."  
  
Elrond replied calmly, "Sh, Erestor, it's probably just a phase they're going through. Some childish thing, remember when it became all the rage to jump off the old beech? I saw to three broken bones before they tired of it." Elrond comfortingly place an arm around a very worked up Erestor.  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes (figuratively speaking), typical Erestor, getting worked up because people are jumping off a waterfall, "But Elrond, it was Glorfindel! He jumped off! He's not exactly an elfling."  
  
Elrond started slowly rubbing Erestor's back...oh! Very soothing! "Yes, but it's Glorfindel, since when has he had to sense not to follow these crazes. He was one of the ones who received a broken ankle last time."  
  
Erestor slowly looked up at Elrond, "Oh, I suppose you're right, never did have much common sense, that one."  
  
As Legolas was listening to the two of them converse he was painfully aware of Elrond's hand travelling lower down his back. Oh! Oh Dear! Legolas became panicked...since when were things like /that/ between Elrond and his chief counsellor?! As Legolas had been becoming very agitated inside of Erestor, Elrond had leaned over to kiss him.  
  
Oh! Ok, Legolas had to admit, Elrond was a good kisser, but bad! In Erestor! Elrond kissing Erestor!  
  
Elrond pulled away from Erestor and looked into his eyes. Legolas suddenly saw Elrond's eyes widen and mutter, "not good, very not good."  
  
And then he was pulled out of Erestor and found himself…yes, you guessed it, oh the top of the waterfall.   
  
go review...make my day? 


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